3 Signs Bae Can't Control his Relationship with Finances
We’ve all heard about emotional, verbal and physical abuse in relationships, but there is something we interact with everyday but do not talk often talk about in public: our and our partner’s relationship with money.
For me, I have witnessed and know friends who have experienced actions such as: a family member or a friend only reaching out when they’re in need of money, knowing someone close to me who is often depressed because of their financial situation, or having a partner who spends money without thinking and consequently looks for others to pick up the burden.
So how do you know if your spouse has financially abusive behaviors? Read on to find out the top 3 signs:
1. They spend large amounts solely on emotion and without logic.
There’s a quote by Warren Buffet that I absolutely agree with: “If you cannot control your emotions, you cannot control your money.” If you’re dealing with a partner who spends way beyond their means when they’re extremely excited, trying to please others, depressed, or bored, this is a telltale sign they have an extremely toxic behavior with money. They are looking for a way to relieve stress and get short-term happiness, all the while piling on more debt and fewer investments for the future.
2. They never think their financial problems are their fault.
Somehow for the third time, they didn’t get paid for the past couple of weeks, so they’re asking your help to cover everything. Or they want to buy something but owes too many bills, so they want you to do it. Does this mean that they’re lying? Not necessarily, but it could mean that they’re financially irresponsible and are depending on you to pick up the pieces that their discipline in saving couldn’t.
The biggest takeaway from this is that they stand back and believe that life happens to them, that they can’t do anything about their situation and in result, they don’t do anything to change their finances.
3. They become controlling over your access to money.
If you receive a bonus at work or a monetary gift from a friend, they feel entitled to getting a portion of the money. Saying things like, “Well, I don’t get paid until next week, so I need some money to hold me over until then,” is their way of putting guilt on you and ultimately, trying to see if you can prove your affection to them by gaining control of your money.
With all of these signs, the best ways to deal with them is to keep your money ties separately, because this can greatly affect you if there aren’t any boundaries and budgets in place. Do not harness any guilt for their financial decisions. And ultimately, if talking it out and creating a plan to get out of debt doesn’t work, you must decide how much this relationship is affecting your well-being and happiness.